Think Anew, Act Anew

observations and opinion

New Rules for Americans visiting Canada




We have border guards too, you know.

The world’s longest unguarded border runs from British Columbia to New Brunswick. It crosses through woods, lakes, highways, hills. Canadians and Americans have enjoyed decades of virtually unfettered access to each others’ countries; even with all the Homeland Security stuff since 2001, entry to the United States remains predictable (if a little slow sometimes).

But President Trump changed that on Holocaust Remembrance Day when he, rather grotesquely considering the occasion, issued an executive order limiting entry into the USA. The “EO” temporarily bars natives of several countries for 3 months and bars Syrian-born Muslims permanently. It also slashes the refugee intake (already pathetically small) and gives priority to Christians trying to escape the Mid East.

I’m glad about Christians getting some attention. They have for many years suffered cruel persecution in Arab countries. I am repelled that they get “priority” because they believe in Jesus, but trust that in due course many a Muslim will find a way to convert to Southern Baptism while hanging around the refugee camp.

One of the weird side effects of the Trump EO, is that it affects people who already live in the USA who are away right now (sorry, not coming back) and also affects foreigners, who having originated in one of the forbidden zones, but been nationalized elsewhere (like some Canadian Cabinet Ministers for example) are now barred entry into the United States.

This is all so appalling one hardly needs mention it, but I must say the Americans imposing a religious or ethnicity test on CANADIANS, is something we and our government really ought to complain about. Actually we should do more than complain, we should take counter measures.

I propose that Canada adopt certain entry requirements for U.S. Citizens seeking to visit the True North Strong and Free. We can do it if the Yanks can, and we have better reason to do it than they have. Here’s how the questionnaire would go:

  1. So you’re an American. Okay. Did you vote for Trump? You did? Sorry, you are barred from Canada.
  2. You didn’t vote for Trump? Okay, but are you a registered Republican? Yes – go over there and do twenty push ups. Wheelies if you’re in a wheelchair (this is Canada, after all).
  3. Did you vote for a third party? Yes? Go over there, stand at the mirror and say the following out loud: “I am a stupid prick / Je suis un penis stupide”
  4. Did you vote for Hillary? Yes – okay, go over there and stand next to that guy. Look at him and say out loud “You are a stupid prick / Tu es un penis stupide”. Welcome to Canada.
  5. You didn’t vote at all? Hmm…go over and look at yourself in the mirror. You know the routine.
  6. You didn’t vote because you’re not a US citizen, but you live in the USA?  I hope you don’t expect to get back to your apartment soon.
  7. Are you from Mexico? Welcome to Canada. Here’s a list of decent Mexican restaurants in our country. Sorry it’s so short.
  8. Are you originally from one of those banned Muslim countries? Welcome to Canada and enjoy this free bottle of maple syrup
  9. Are you a member of the National Rifle Association? Go over to the mirror, repeat the magic words and then get back in your truck and get the hell away from Canada.

Indeed, we can pretty well set any test we want with people visiting from the USA.  It will inconvenience some people, but the line is already slow and besides, people will PAY to watch that mirror thing.



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This entry was posted on January 28, 2017 by in Canada, The U.S.A., Trump & Trumpism.
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